I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
