you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I should be sponsored by Trojan
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
So many bounce houses so little time
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
