I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
