??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
