I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize