I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
