yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
