it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
