The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
