Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wish you could order shots online.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's blow job season.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
