and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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