someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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