I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
