she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I stole a fireplace last night.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
