I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Send help, water and tortillas.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
