I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
