Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
