dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
