I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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