Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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