So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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