and next time when you feel me up, do it right
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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