Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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