people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
