I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
