can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
MIDGETS
????
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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