I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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