The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
