My nipple is on Facebook.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I fill condoms, not promises.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
