the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
