Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
