An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
