Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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