Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
