Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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