i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
