get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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