he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
