Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
