He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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