This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Dignity is for republicans.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize