she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
