Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
