R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
