Yo dont text me then not text me
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
