If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
