I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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