We're like a lot better than the average bears
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
