Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
