i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
