Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
