i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
