The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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