I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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