4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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