saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize