i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
of course. lets lasso hookers.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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