did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
