Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
