that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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