Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
