Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
