After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
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Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
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My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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