At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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