Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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