unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
