addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
MIDGETS
????
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
