wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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