kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
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The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
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It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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