I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
